I like to read my community newspaper, the Westender . There's a section in it called Rants/Raves. People, really irritated people who have way too much time on their hands, call in and get whatever is bothering them off their chests. Then, several of those rants get printed in the paper.
I have to say that when you read it, you would think that people who live in the West End are the most short-tempered, irritable sods on the planet. They complain a lot about noise and choppers and rude people and people who take up the whole sidewalk when they walk. They complain about the annual fireworks. They complain about too many dogs. They even complain, if you can believe it, that in the Davie Village, the Gay Pride banners were removed temporarily so that the Triathlon Championship banners could replace them for a week or whatever. Get a life people! Take off your rainbow-coloured glasses and go shopping!
Having been a community newspaper reporter and occasional editor in a small town, I know from experience that it doesn't take much to set people off. And, it's never really the things that you think are going to set them off that actually do.
I once wrote a feature on Bingo. I thought the writing was really good albeit glib and sarcastic. But, coming from the city, I had no idea that Bingo in a small town is sacred. Do not touch Bingo. Do not comment on the people who play Bingo. Do not comment on any aspect of anything that has anything to do with Bingo. Bingo is beyond reproach. I feared for my life after that feature was published based on the mail it generated.
This particular rant caught my attention for another reason however...
Here it is.
"If you're a 30 year old male or approaching 30 or 35, it's time to throw the skateboard away. It's a bit passe already. You're not a nihilist, you're just annoying. You're in the way on the sidewalks. It's time to have a shave, cut off the dreadlocks, get rid of the baggy pants and walk down the street - shoulders back, chin up - and become one with society instead of this pseudo-anti-social childish bullshit... Grow up and put on a tie. Then you're going to impress a woman, okay? Oh and put a book in your hand. Not a skateboard. A book. - Calvin, Rantline caller.
Now, the reason this makes me laugh is because Calvin, the guy who wrote it, actually thinks that all it takes for a woman to be impressed is for a guy to finally put on a tie.
If only it was so easy. If only. For guys. For women. For all of us. This amuses me immensely.
Got a rant? Be my guest...