I started to read Brian Brett's book, Trauma Farm, A Rebel History of Rural Life, and on page seven I was struck by a sentence that read..."History, real history needs to run with all of it - numbers, dreams and the fog."
When I read that sentence, I stopped. I read it again. I mulled it over.
Earlier in the day I had returned from a visit with "the ninja healer" and I had been sharing with him the fact that I'm approaching a milestone birthday and how when your life has not fit into the box because you haven't been married, you haven't had children, and you really haven't accumulated much of anything except experiences, some good friends and insights then approaching 50 can be really thought-provoking and not in a fantastic way.
"History, real history needs to run with all of it...numbers, dreams and the fog."
In his usual insightful manner he just said to me that I needed to go into and accept every thing about myself and every experience I've ever had. Accept. Look upon them with curiosity. Be kind to yourself. Try to approach every issue with a "playful spirit", not judging, just wondering why, wondering about options, remaining curious and playful in your approach not blaming, feeling guilty or judging.
I recently watched the new version of the new release of Karate Kid and I feel like this person is my Jackie Chan. He's my spiritual master and just the act of speaking with him and being in his presence allows me to remain on track, much more focused, as if for the first time in my life the word "discpline" has a positive meaning or any meaning at all. Having "discipline" is really about commitment to oneself and one's goals. A form of self love. Deprivation has nothing to do with discpline.
Now, that's not exactly an earthshattering way of thinking that I've never heard before but something about the way he has of knowing what to say to address current fears makes them seem so irrelevant, manageable, conquerable. Almost silly and obscure.
He's not a counsellor. I don't think of him that way. I don't want a counsellor. Everything I need is inside of me and I have learned that well. He's trained in Capoeira and Qi Gong and has had a spiritual practice for a long time. We talk about spiritual matters in a way that helps me stay on a path that I need to get serious about; a path that won't allow me to make any more excuses for goals not achieved. It's fantastic. I feel he could make a lot of money doing what he does with me and turn it into his life's work.
I recently signed up for an online workshop by The Renegade Writer and she sent us an audio of a talk by another writer Sage Cohen whose book, The Productive Writer, I've been reading. This books is all about getting serious. Staying on track. Systems and processes for doing, not dreaming. No time to waste.
So regardless of where you're at in your life, and what has or has not happened, ugly words you've spoken, beautiful words you've not heard enough, places you have or haven't seen, just remind yourself, You're still here! There's probably a reason for that. Embrace the beauty of the uniqueness of your path- the good, the bad and the ugly (judgements that you can choose to let go of right now).
Embrace every challenge you have overcome and every hope for a dream that you have yet to make true. Accept and forgive every person and situation you have ever encountered who has made you who you are today - uniquely you and undoubtedly wiser.
Embrace your own history, accept it, so most importantly, you can move forward lightly: "numbers, dreams and the fog..."