Pull Up a Chair and Really Listen

Outside a restaurant in Steveston, BC

How many times have you left a conversation wondering, what exactly did she mean by that? Is what I think he meant, really what he meant or am I completely misinterpreting that? Am I projecting? It's so easy to be so passive, to never think critically and like a sponge move through your days, as if you're watching TV, without really knowing if what you thought you understood is what someone else was actually trying to communicate or if it went right over your head (maybe like this blog post is doing right now for you?) 

And, that brings me to the small-group workshops that are a part of the SFU Writer's Studio. In my group - every second Tuesday, 10 of us gather around a table in a very small room downtown. When it's our turn for one of our pieces to be work-shopped, we receive the luxury of receiving both verbal feedback and then, in writing, from 9 other people to take home and keep. A first draft of creativity, handed back with our fellow classmates' impressions, opinions, feedback, corrections and philosophical musings. It's quite a luxury.  

And, then you take those home and put them in a drawer and pull them out a few weeks later after you've mulled over how you want to change what you've written or you want to completely revise. You could even choose to go back to the person and ask them for a more thorough explanation of their comments if you want really want to.

Your assumptions get reflected back to you. You get to see if you're being gender biased or if because of your age you're making statements that nobody under 30 would understand.  You get to see how people are reacting to your writing. You get to see how a character or a story that you feel you've explained completely is confusing your readers or leaving them wanting a lot more. Too many colloquialisms? You actually end up learning quite a bit about yourself. You get glimpses into where you might be stuck, your natural tendencies in approaching how you tell your stories and how you might consider challenging or experimenting with those. You get to see where your fellow writers unanimously agree or disagree and you have to go inside, use your intuition, for where the comments are at direct odds. You learn what's weak and what's strong and whether you're leaving them confused or making them think or getting across your message in exactly the way you intended to.

When we go around the table and the person giving feedback has their 5 minutes to speak, it's as if they hold the talking stick. Nobody else gets to interrupt or speak. We're all listening. 

Where else in our world do you get to be in a group of  people, listen, and have all the information that's streaming out of each one of them, as they take their turns, be directed towards a creation that you've pulled out of your imagination or your personal history? 

Better than group therapy!

Glad to be an SFU Alumni

I've become pretty good at this, I said to Lisa as we were chowing down on free food at the SFU Theatre on Saturday afternoon. Although, it was her suggestion that we go because a friend was running for the SFU Board of Governor's and it was voting day. Free stuff. Finding free stuff to do, that's what I meant I've become really good at.

The event coincided with SFU's Open House and part of that also included an Alumni event in which if you showed up at the Board of Governor's meeting, you would be treated to lunch and an Improv Comedy performance afterwards.
I hadn't been up to SFU for a very long time and it was impressive to see how much it has grown in terms of new and interesting buildings.

I have to say that I am glad to be an SFU Alumni. Although I worked at UBC for many years, on and off, I went to SFU as an undergrad and I have no qualms saying that I have always felt that SFU, overall, is the more progressive university.

Why do I feel this? It was first to have a downtown campus. It's now going to house its School of Contemporary Arts in the old Woodwards' building in the heart of the Downtown Eastside. It just seems to me that it has always tried to remain true to its more radical history within its vision. And it seems to be able to react faster than UBC when it comes to capitalizing on new opportunities. I think about the School of Interactive Arts and Technology at the Surrey Campus. I think about the Writing and Publishing programs.

Maybe I'm biased but I don't think so. I liked working at UBC, especially in Computer Science. It was a great place and a great experience and as a result of all my time at UBC, I don't think I am biased. If anything, I should be biased in the other direction, towards UBC. Afterall, they paid my rent for many years thanks to a regular paycheque,and I made great friends there.

As I was driving up the hill, yesterday, I thought about my time at SFU and a feeling of sadness came over me briefly. Having attended university right out of highschool, I really know now just how badly I handled the whole experience by not getting involved. I'm one of those people who is now a firm believer that you shouldn't even really be allowed to go to university right out of highschool. You should travel. You should work for a year. And, only when you can articulate why you really want to be there, as opposed to doing something else, should you go.

Right out of high school I felt intimidated by the whole experience and in hindsight, it's quite amazing to me that I managed to complete my degree at all. Talk to a professor? Oh my God. I couldn't imagine that. My father didn't even finish high school. I couldn't talk to a professor back then. Like every experience, you get out of it what you put into it.

But, what's that saying? When you know better, you do better!

So, it really impresses me now that a friend's daughter, Courtney, has done such an amazing job at researching universities. She's about to graduate and she has been to the prospective student events at the University of Victoria. She's flown with a friend to the University of Alberta to compare that to the University of Victoria. I assume she's done her research into SFU and UBC. She's contacted the field hockey coaches about how to get on the teams. She's applied for bursaries and scholarships. I'm totally blown away by her choosing to control her destiny and make an informed decision about her future.

My friends, her parents, have obviously done a great job in guiding her, and, it's not because either one experienced university firsthand. It's because they understand that as parents it's their role to be "mentors", to create a dialogue around "options" and to remain as neutral as possible about the outcome.

Are you glad you made the decisions you made about your education or career choices? What would you do differently, if anything at all?