You know you've been single way too long when you suddenly realize that what you've been wearing to bed is dangerous because if you ever died in your sleep you would be mortally humiliated to know that people found you in that attire. At the very least it matters now because if I do have to get up in the middle of the night to rescue "my lady" she might die laughing if I came to her rescue in the turqouise blue, flannelette pyjamas with the purple and blue cats all over them that my mom, bless her heart, gave to me one Christmas. I pretty much warned her the other night. Don't be alarmed, I say, if I do have to come to your aid in the middle of the night. Just ignore my pyjamas okay?
Take today for example. I look down while I'm making breakfast and waiting for the toast and I have on a pair of men's boxer shorts with green three-leaf clovers plastered over them. On top I have on a tank top, white, and over that an ugly old lady sweater in turqoise with knitted ribbing down the arms that I bought at the Thrift Store when I was freezing my ass off in the cottage last winter. Oh, and let's not forget the brown sox because it's already starting to get a little chilly in here.
It occurred to me, looking down, that the term "letting yourself go" should have meaning for me at this point.
It reminds me of the time quite a while ago now when I was dating this guy that I'd met off the Internet. He was nice. We had a really good rapport and I felt totally comfortable around him. I recall waking up one morning, he was there beside me. He started laughing and he looked at me and said sarcastically but affectionately, "Nice fleece"! You had to be there but trust me, it was really funny.
I hadn't even thought about the fact (because of my comfort level with him) that wearing a moss green fleece sweater-type thing might not exactly be the right thing to wear when you're sleeping with a guy even if you did put it on in the morning after you came back from the bathroom.
On the other hand, if you have to try so hard that you're wearing Victoria Secret and it still ain't working in the bedroom, give it up!
Seriously though, it's definitely time for some new lingerie. I'm going to get right on that.