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March 30, 2010

Ganesha & Dating

Ganesha, Hindu God widely revered as the remover of obstacles. And, honestly, who couldn't use that? This photo of this version of Ganesha was taken at The Salt Spring Centre. There's a wonderful garden, waterfall, and somewhere on the property this sculpture exists as well.

I took this photo last summer when I was there with the photography Meet-up group but I now can't recall exactly where on the property I saw it.  What I'm about to say has absolutely nothing to do with Ganesha although may have something to do with obstacles - self-created and otherwise.

I was reading The Globe & Mail's book section on the ferry on Sunday night and came across a reference to a new book called: Undateable: 311 things guys do that guarantee they won't be dating or having sex.  I wonder what Ganesha's dating tips would be?

I can't help but notice that even though women have (since the printing press was invented) 15 billion articles, books, magazines, tips, urban myths, advertisements, pornography, boyfriends, girlfriends and husbands to guide them on what they can do to be more desirable to men, that when two women write one jesting book about what men sometimes do to turn off women, you inevitably get the guys who just can't handle it and complain about being so tired of "man bashing." Of course, the first thing that comes to mind is that those poor guys are exactly who the book is referring to. They're undateable. No sense of humour? Undateable! Can't laugh at oneself? Undateable!

I've never really liked the word "dating". It seems so 1950's Doris Day, Rock Hudson Beach Blanket Bingo-like. I have a weird habit of never even thinking of a "date" as a date.  A very astute friend of mine said it so well when she said, that's because you only think it's a date if you like him, not the other way around. She's right. And, I have no doubt it works that way for guys as well.

The other night I went on what might be considered a date. He got dressed up. I made some minor effort. We met. We danced. Not once did he offer to buy me a drink! My definition of undateable! Unless you're homeless, if you're a guy and you are interested in a female then not offering to buy even one drink is in my terms undateable.  If you offer, women might say, no thanks, I'd prefer to buy my own but if you don't offer, you're just clued out. And, by the time you get to be over 20, if someone needs to tell you this, you're too far gone to really put the effort out for.

I've been on a lot of "dates" which I haven't considered dates but in the definition of the term were in fact dates. And, there are a couple of things that stand out for me as things that, if they aren't already in the book, probably should be.

My Red flags include:
  • Not offering to buy coffee or a drink (if you can't do that, you're not interested), especially if you're the one who asked me out. Cheapness. My number one undateable!
  • Make me do all the work when it comes to communication and if I stop asking questions of you and your life there's silence. Kill me now!
  • Thinking that inviting me to a sado-masochistic film fest as a first date is a good idea.
  • Excessive swearing, cynicism and general anti-social behaviour.
  • Addictions
  • No sense of humour and no ability to have insight about your own strengths and weaknesses.
  • Hypochondria (especially when it's just a common head cold).
  • Picky eaters (Real men eat just about anything don't they?)
  • Not ever being able to take responsibility for any issue when we all know it takes two people...
  • Talking about your ex-wife more than once or twice on our first date.
  • Pretending to be straight when you're gay.
  • Staring at my boobs (excessively).
  • Telling me within 15 minutes of meeting me that I'm exactly the kind of girl you're looking for.
  •  Calling yourself a "healer" or "a psychic" and actually believing it. Real ones don't talk like that.
  • Telling me that you have to go meet your son at your grow-op in a house in Capilano Canyon.
I'm depressing myself. When it comes to dating, I need a Ganesh to remove the obstacles - the ones I create and the ones my energy has attracted to me.

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