Bitter Sweet Transitions

Now these people must have a few tricks when it comes to staying in touch. Starting from left to right, she's from Costa Rica but has been residing in Vancouver for the past two years doing a Post Doc at Childrens' Hospital. He's her boyfriend from Spain debating whether to move to Costa Rica to be with her. The other two are from Argentina, both baby doctors too, now residents in Vancouver.
Yesterday I was listening to CBC Radio in the afternoon and they were talking to the writers/poets who had won the 2008 CBC Literary Awards. When Eleanor Wachtel finished interviewing the new winners, she then went back to a former winner, Gail Anderson Dargatz wrote The Girl with the Bell Necklace and that was the beginning of her "real" life as a successful writer which really took off when she wrote The Cure for Death by Lightening.

So, the show ended with a segment where a man was interviewing Gail, asking her questions. One of the questions was "What do you look for in a friend?" Now, most of us might think she'd respond loyalty, kindness, adventure, support, humour, intelligence, but in fact her answer was proximity.

Now, she didn't mean, whoever is close by will do. She did mean that in a world where people are very transient, what she looks for is being able to not be transient and maintain friendships with people who live close-by because that's better than friendships that are pieced together on Twitter, on Facebook, in snippets of time when one or the other happens to be in the same place for a few days or a month.

Why am I telling you this? Because, when I moved to Salt Spring, one of the things I really didn't think much about prior to moving was the fact that I might miss my friends. It seems a bit crazy that I wouldn't have thought of that in more detail because I'd built up a really good circle of friends in Vancouver in the years between 1995 and 2008. They are really important to me. I have a really good time with all of them. I genuinely looked forward to spending time with them and we always have fun, or a laugh, or good conversation and made each other feel better when that mattered. I was just in denial I suppose about how changing places geographically and not being there to continue to do things, in person with them, can't help but affect the friendship. It lessens it no matter how much you don't want that to happen.

I've been thinking about that a lot lately and tonight, I had a conversation with Lisa, one of my bestest friends, someone who has brought me a lot of joy (and vice versa) in the past 6 years and somehow no matter how much we (I) know that life is change and if it isn't, then you're not really living, it's not always easy to go with the transitions away from people that make you really happy. Maybe it's especially more significant when you're single because your friends are your "peeps". You don't come home to one person for support and that's both not a great thing and a great thing if you know what I mean.

Anyway, Lisa and I were talking tonight and it's clear that we're all in transition. I started it by moving. And, even though it's only a few hours from Vancouver, it's a long way when you're not able to consistently hang out with someone to create new memories.

Lisa's having a baby. Her life is about to undergo the biggest transition (next to our own births and deaths) there is. Once the baby comes, it will be very hard for us to maintain a friendship because her life will be consumed by the baby out of necessity and she will then join up with other mothers and that commonality will bond her to them. She was feeling wistful talking about how another good friend of hers was talking about going on a kayak trip to the Queen Charlottes this summer and how in different ways she's feeling kind of wistful, anxious about that separation in possibilities. Because, normally Lisa would go kayaking but not with a baby. Although I guess, technically, it's not impossible. The indians did it. Where's the papoose?

So, there you go. That's what I'm thinking tonight. Life is change. And, it's when you have to let go of the really fun parts to do what you have to do, even when you want to do it, that you can't help but reflect back on the great times you had with those people you were so close to and just hope you can find a way to get back to that place with others in new ways over time and manage to somehow keep a connection with the ones you have had to physically leave.

I'm sure this is nothing new for most people, especially the kind that move around the world, but I've never moved countries or even places within the country hardly at all so it's a revelation.

Moving right along

Things are getting kind of blurry these days.It could be because I'm moving faster than usual. You know that old saying, a picture's worth a thousand words? Well, it's not really. When it comes to moving and packing, I have only one word. I think you can guess what it is. Starts with an F and ends with a k.

How is it possible that when there is only one of me, I feel like I have been stuck in packing hell for the past two weeks. You prepare to pack. You pack. You pack and pack and pack. You tell other people you're packing. You get advice on packing. You tell 'em what you packed. You unpack. And, then you unpack and unpack and you eliminate the boxes you painstakingly accummulated as if you're watching a grainy, documentary in reverse.

What did I do when I actually had a full-time job? Was I just some highly efficient moving machine then? Or is it that when I moved into this place, I had lived in a bachelor suite and therefore, I had less stuff.

You'd think I was Rob Feenie given how much stuff I've taken out of my kitchen and at this point, I can't even recall the last time I had someone for dinner as a result of my own little personal financial crisis which is on par with the one in the U.S.

I feel like preparing to move has become my full-time job. It has been all consuming. Don't talk to me. I'm preparing to move. Can't come with you. I'm preparing to move. Yes, I've had on the same clothes for 3 days. I know. I'm moving. What do you expect from me?

But, as a result of the impending move, I've been many, many new places. I've been to the computer recycling depot and discovered the place where you can take propane/butane camping tanks to be recycled right along with empty paint tins (seems like a dangerous combination).

I've come across enough old eyeglasses in my underwear drawer to provide sight to a small village in India. So, I dropped off the frames for that purpose. The only thing is, when they see what they look like in those previously fashionable but now highly oversized frames, I'm not sure they won't just resort back to blindness as the preferred option.

I've hung out at an empty lot across the street, swallowing my pride while lining up my stuff and watching the human experiment known as the bargain hunter rummage through it. Very interesting. The best part of that was the enjoyable often humorous banterings with the people I met passing on the sidewalk.

I've had a long philosophical discussion with the Iranian owner behind the counter where I'm renting the truck. When he found out where I was moving, even though he'd never been, but just liked the sound of it, he somehow decided to open up about his own frustrated existence where, instead of writing short stories he must work behind the counter day and night in the family business, no choice, because that's how it works he says. I get up. I come here. I work. I work. I work. I go home. I eat. I go to bed. All the while I'm listening to him thinking, why do I bring out this stuff in people? I just wanted to book a truck to pack my crap into. Therapy is extra. Five Cents.

I've sold, just today, what might have been an authentic Cowichan sweater. It's been in my posession ever since 1992. Seems like time to let it go. The prospective buyer, picking her way carefully around boxes and moving flotsam and jetsam was modelling it amidst my junk. Why do you want one of these? I ask. Well, I had a boyfriend. I used to love that sweater but when we broke up he got really mean so I had to get rid of him and it. But, lately, I've been thinking so much about that sweater and I decided I needed to get another one. Sweater. Not boyfriend. And, voila! Thanks to Craigslist, she found mine. Here take it. Deal of the century. Anything else I can sell you? Seemed only right that if she was buying the Cowichan sweater I might as well throw in a free copy of Peter C. Newman's Caesars of the Wilderness book. Anybody looking for the 15th and 125th anniversary edition of Bartlett's quotations? Cheap. Real cheap! You can quote me on that!

I've let go of the graduation present I received 24 years ago from SFU. My Pentax Me Super. Great camera but 24 years seems long enough to hang onto it. It was an awesome present. It served its purpose and well, it was, priceless but for you with 2lenses and the camera bag $100 I said to the nice very attractive Asian girl from Langley who wants it to learn photography the old fashioned way.

All this has actually made me reflect back to last summer (was it only last summer?)when a certain person was in town helping his sister move her entire house and I was totally oblivious to how much work that must have been. Didn't care. Whatever. Nothing to do with me. Not my problem. What were you saying? You sound kinda stressed I said when it came to the car. Like Duh!

I was placing some demands on him related to wanting to see him a third time and NOW I just think, wow, I can't believe he seemed so calm about that.

Maybe that's why he showed up on the third night smelling like sweat! Geez. He was probably running around like a maniac and then he had to park in the West End probably 10 blocks from my house. If someone was placing any kind of demands on ME right about now, I'd be like get out of my way you crazy *&^%! I don't have time for an inane visit with you that will lead to the mutual obliteration of spirit that is inevitable.

Amazing what a little perspective will do for you and even more amazing how one year can be so different from the last.

I may never get off that island once I move there. It just won't be worth it to leave. I expect moving is a lot like childbirth. The pain of it all is just a vague memory that grows more distant with each passing year, as long as you're not crazy enough to move (or have another baby) ever again!

Perspective: A Moving Target

It just occurred to me today that I am moving to a place where there is only one traffic light. How fantastic is that?!

Here's some of the things that have crossed my mind about what I think I will miss about Vancouver in no particular order.

1. Being able to see my friends whenever I want without having to catch a ferry.
2. Indian restaurants.
3. Stanley Park (not that I won't be in another paradise).
4. The Stanley Park Rose Garden and the way that you can watch the seasons by watching how it changes.
5. Neil calling me spontaneously after he's been up to Prospect Point doing some shipspotting and he wants to have a beer at the Sylvia.
6. Colleen spontaneously dropping by for a visit.
7. Lisa.
8. Not being around to kayak with Lisa and Heather and Karen in Deep Cove.
9. The clip clop sounds of the Clydesdale horses pulling a buggy down Robson Street on their way back to the Park more often than not a bride and a groom seated in the carriage on the way to have their photos taken.
10. Coffees with Keiko.
11. Being able to walk down the street to the library and to just about any amenity you can think of within a 10 block radius.
12. Sunday breakfasts and walks with Dee.
13. Conversations with Dave.
14. Leila.
15. Dinners at Peggy`s place with Catherine and Chris.
16. The High Tech Communicator`s Exchange events.
17. Sitting on my balcony and just watching people coming in and out of the park.
18. All the free festivals and entertainment available in Vancouver so that even if you`re broke, you can still entertain yourself quite well.
19. Gelato and cupcakes (that`s undoubtedly a good thing).
20. Not being able to easily visit my father and the times we have spent together at Crescent Beach.
21. Missing out on See Seven with Gwen.


Here`s what I`m looking forward to:

1.Living in a place where there is only one traffic light.
2.Hopefully, having more time to concentrate on writing poetry and fiction.
3.Taking in yoga classes at the Saltspring Center.
4.All the creative people I will undoubtedly continue to meet on Saltspring by writing for Aqua and the paper.
5. Learning about a new community and getting involved in it.
6.Perhaps taking up a musical instrument such as the fiddle because Saltspring has an excellent fiddle community and it would be great to get back to music, something I haven't done since I played classical piano.
7.Doing something for money part-time that is very different than anything I`ve done to date.
8.Learning how to chop kindling for my wood-burning stove (I`m sure that novelty will wear off in less than a month.)
9. Living somewhere so quiet that you can`t hear the sounds of traffic.
10. The festivals that take place on the island and living in a place where the
entertainment opportunities are `manageable` if you know what I mean.
11. Enjoying living in a place I`ve wanted to live for a very long time and recognizing that I made that happen just because I decided to.
12. Exploring with my camera the places I`ve yet to see on the island after all these years.
13. Knowing that I have lived well in Vancouver, enjoyed Vancouver, especially in the past 7 years, and am leaving without regret or feeling like I will feel as if I'm missing out on something because I'm ready to leave.
14. Feeling like I'm moving to a place that really fits who I am.
15. Opting out of a collective consciousness that is continually in need of more...
16. Stuff I can`t even know that I will undoubtedly enjoy about the place.