Today was a really hard day. The monkey mind is an arch enemy that needs befriending and that's how today felt.
In spite of the beautiful sunshine, in spite of spending time with a friend whose company I really enjoy, in spite of a long walk on Ambleside and being near the ocean which always calms my nerves, I have been fighting with the monkey mind, and losing.
When I left my job, my manager whom I really liked took me out for lunch one day before I left. And, I don't know how but we got into a conversation about faith. I recall the conversation very distinctly because it was very honest and unguarded; not a typical manager-employee conversation.
When I left she gave me a journal and in the journal she wrote,"Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings while the dawn is still dark" It's a quote by someone named Rabindranath Tagore.
I've found myself looking at that quote more than a couple of times in the months since I've left there because it is only in having faith is it possible, I believe, for your body to maintain a vibrational level that will in fact attract into your life something positive even when circumstances are making it very easy to get very anxious and question everything that faith is. This is especially true when you can feel yourself slipping into a place that you know is not where you need to be spending time; one that is only harming you and affecting you physiologically.
It's about being able to believe when there is no evidence or when the evidence is making it easy to begin to have fear associated with the exact opposite. That of course is the test. Of course it requires action, you can't just sit back and blindly believe everything will be okay.
I've been thinking a lot these past few days about having the discipline and the strength to act in a way that is the exact opposite of how I'm feeling to get to the place that is right for me at this time.
To get back to a place of kindness; a gentler place.