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September 15, 2008

Lunapad Lunacy

This post should have a warning for guys (or maybe the entire human race). Too much female information. You don't want to know this. It's already scary enough I'm sure.

I'm on a theme now though so if you're not into the weird and unusual roadshow then you might not want to visit until after I've moved.

So, I'm cleaning out the bathroom and I come across the above artefact in a bag. Oh my God. I'd almost forgotten about these.

Canadians are known for a lot of inventions. And this is another one. This is called the Lunapad. I'm sure it must have been developed on a Gulf Island. Maybe Hornby actually. Ya, I can see some Hornby-ite coming up with this idea.

It has to be at least 10 years ago now when I went to some Christmas craft fair on Main Street and I saw these. I thought to myself what a great idea. I am sick to death of buying tampons. They're not environmentally friendly. God only knows what that bleached absorbent stuff they use to make them is doing to my Vijayjay as Oprah likes to call it.

So, caught up in the Christmas shopping frenzy I inexplicably rationalized the purchase of a Lunapad with leopard skin fabric. Talk about impulse buy. Not something I'd personally want to be unwrapping from under the tree on Christmas morning. Those lesbians are damned good saleswomen!

Hey, if you have to bleed every month then you might as well do it on something that makes you smile.

I recall that I got home, I tried them on. I wrapped the little winged part around my underwear and then snapped them shut. I looked down. I was silent for a minute. I smiled a pained smile. I let out something that fell somewhere between a laugh and a question mark. I was like who wears these? I mean, you might as well get an extra large pair of Depends and wear them overtop your jeans!

But, in defence of the Lunapad, somebody's using them because they still exist and they even have an "international" homepage.

They fit really well with the tradition nowadays where mothers help their daughters celebrate their first period.

Intellectually, I like that concept. But, if you're my age and you had uptight parents who were 40 years older than you, that idea is almost other-planetary. It's just too radical a concept to celebrate menstruation. Afterall, menstruation doesn't even really exist does it? You wouldn't think so except on TV where all those little nymphs in the whitest of white clothing are running through fields of wildflowers or pretending their tampon is an extra large packet of sucrose when they're on a blind date with a new hot guy.

I like the idea of celebrating it because then you'd at least have an excuse, if you needed one, to do something fun. Apparently, if you celebrate it, it's less likely that you'll bleed to death because your psyche will be telling your uterus that you're fine with it. You'll be one with the cycle. Acceptance is the key to peace - in body and in mind!

If I had a daughter, I'm sure I'd be into celebrating it. I'd say, hey honey, let's put on our crinkly see-through, gauzy white skirts, go out into the forest, make daisy chains for our hair, hold hands, chant, light incense, do the yoga tree pose and then bury some pinecones as a metaphorical representation of the transition from childhood to puberty. It will be fun! Wheeeeee! Damn near almost makes wearing a Lunapad sound like dawning your favorite T-shirt.

So, amazingly, it's been quite fun packing so far. And, all is not lost. I will not be throwing out the Lunapad. Not only would I not want to confuse some dumpster diver but I've figured out another use for the felt.

I have this favorite pair of jeans that have two growing holes in the crotch. I can just cut out patches from the Leopard skin Lunapad, sew them on, and feel good about recycling! Period.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the entertaining article. I do remember these things! Had to wash a few when helping a friend with household laundry and I was a bit confused at first as I thought they were something for her baby!