Before I went to work yesterday, I put out some bread crumbs and seeds for the birds. They're probably really hungry I thought. They won't be able to eat with everything covered in snow.
I came home, eyed the tin plate and couldn't believe it. The plate was totally empty. It was as if hundreds of birds had descended and scarfed down the bread like a pack of Texans descending on a McDonalds having a two for one Super Size it special.
I told Pauline this. She uttered one word:Rats. "It's rats," she said. "They're starving. You just fattened them up."
"UGGGGGGGGG! GROSS!" I squirmed.
"Don't leave your back door open too long," she said.
What?
The door. They'll sneak in the door.
"Are you kidding me? Into my house?" "Are you trying to give me nightmares? I'm already having trouble sleeping."
Come to think of it, I do wake up and sometimes I hear things," I said. "Rustlings".
"You've got rats in your roof," she says. "They're roof rats".
How do you know?
"I just know. They're there. It's a problem. It's cold. They're trying to get in somewhere warm. Mice. Rats. It's what happens."
She'd mentioned this before. I ignored her. I thought she was being melodramatic.
She called me tonight.
"I was doing the dishes," she says. "You know how that big birdfeeder is right outside my kitchen window?
"Uh huh."
"Well, I'm washing a plate and I felt something. I looked up and there it was. A rat. Right in from of me. It was in my bird feeder. It's beady little eyes were blinking at me. I couldn't believe it. I started hitting the window with a wooden spoon. I screamed at it. It didn't move an inch. Finally I grabbed the broom and raced out in the yard with it. Then it took off.
And here I am thinking spiders were my biggest threat. Where's it gonna end?