I've been organizing my bookcase and I came across this little Cottage Journal that I must have picked up in 2000. It's the kind of thing you buy when you own a cottage and people come and stay and they sign the guest book.
I'd forgotten how long I've been dreaming about living in a little cottage. At the time, I was living in a bachelor suite at 1877 Haro in an old Heritage building. It wasn't anything like a cottage but for some reason it had a bit of a cottage feel to it.
So, I must have picked up this little journal with the thought that I could practice until I got my cottage. In the front of it I wrote March 2000 and "inspiration for owning the Sunshine Coast cottage." All I've ever wanted was a cottage. I would rather live in a shack in the forest than in suburbia. I'm not kidding. Of course, I'd rather live in an amazingly beautiful log cabin type cottage on the ocean with a south facing exposure and solar heating, heated tile on the floors, a sauna, a hot tub, and an amazing kitchen with stainless steel appliances but baby steps. :-) Oh, and it would be even better if I actually OWNED the cabin.
Anyway I found this little journal and it was just nice to read some of what people had written when they visited me there.
My favorite entry is ..."The cottage has been refurbished for spring - fresh paint, wallpaper and softly flowered new curtains. It is so cozy, I feel like just moving in. Add to this a lovely homey feeling. Off for a walk (though we hate to leave). Will visit again soon. M.
I no longer see that person. She lives somewhere in Ontario. But, I guess I better leave the journal on the table for guests to sign now that I really DO live in a cottage. Sometimes when I've got the fire going and the cottage is warm and cozy I just sit and look at it and look around and a smile comes to my face because it's hard for me to believe that I'm actually living on Salt Spring Island and I made it happen because I really wanted to live like this in this place that is so beautiful that even before I lived here I decided that this is where, when I die, I want my ashes scattered. And, that brings me to my post today: Dreams.
It's been hard for me to have dreams. When you've had a lot of disappointments, you're afraid to dream. You're afraid to believe you can actually have what you want. That you deserve it as much as everyone else. That you can actually have what you want. That you are here for a short while and joy is allowed. Maybe it was the Presbyterian upbringing but sometimes when I get too much of what I want I get nervous. Not so much anymore but definitely in the past. And, let's face it, it's not as if my dreams are really big. No ferraris. No castles. No luxury furniture or trips to the south of France. My dreams are much more about freedom. What that means. How to get it. What it looks like for me.
So, I've realized over the past few years that you can decide that you can have what you want. It might sound so simple but in fact it IS simple. Just decide. Then, it will happen because you will make it happen if you want it - whatever it is - bad enough. The really hard part is knowing or understanding what it is that you really want. Not what your mothers wants. Not what you think your friends think you should want. Not what society says you should want. Only that which will make you feel content at the end of the day.
So, that's my message for today. Take just five minutes or 10 minutes and dream. Think about what you would do if money was no object. Think about what you would do if you were free of all encumbrances - relationships, children, debt, family, the history that plays a story about who you are that is no longer true. It's just a story. Think about you as a child and really try to imagine yourself as you were then. What were your dreams then? Did you even have any?
Think about the clothing you would be wearing in your ideal life. The environment you would be living in. The person you would be spending time with and making love to and caring for. What does your community look like? Get a clear picture of that life in your mind. Write it down. Describe it in every detail.
My wish for you is that it is not so far removed from where you are at the moment that you would need to die and be reincarnated to get there. (ha).
And, this thought from RUMI for November 22nd from my A Year with Rumi book seems fitting:
The Guest House
This being human is a guest house
Every morning a new arrival
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all
Even if they are a crowd of sorrows
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture
still, treat each guest honourably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.