RELAX

Don't you wish it was that easy? RELAX! This way! A little to the left. Nope, you've gone too far, back up! Ya. Right there. Oh, that feels good! Keep doing that! What? Nothing. Nothing at all.

I was out for my walk yesterday to soak up some Vitamin D while I still can (soak up the Vitamin D, not walk) and I came across this sign on a tree. I looked to the left and I couldn't see anything. No sauna. No hot tub. No magic chair. No pot plants. Relax? Maybe it's a brothel. Thoughts have crossed my mind here that given the dearth of ways to make money, why hasn't someone started one of those? Maybe they have. Maybe this is the sign.

If you know me, you know that I'm usually someone who has a fairly decent memory. I usually always remember appointments or show up when I've committed to being somewhere.

Lately however, ever since I got here, I just keep spacing things. Completely. Then, I'll wake up in the middle of the night and think, oh shit, I was supposed to be .... Or, I'll be taking a bite of dinner, having a glass of wine, watching Coronation Street and suddenly, I'll have a hazy vague feeling that I was actually supposed to be doing something, and sure enough, I've missed some talk I really wanted to go to. This keeps happening. Part of it is related to me not paying attention to my daytimer like I used to but the other part, I'm convinced, is related to silence. There are no auditory clues as to what day it is, where I am, what time of day it is. I feel completely spaced out here and I am convinced it's because it's too damned quiet. The second week I was here I actually slept in until 10:00 am. That is like someone else must have snatched my body because that's not me.

But, there is nothing to wake me up. No dumpster divers. No dump trucks. No sirens. Nobody yelling. No listening to the next door neighbour showering or having sex or
arguing. No horses trotting down Robson Street pulling tourists. No street lights. No bottles being thrown into recycling bins.

I have never known silence like this for this length of time. I'm beginning to wonder if this is perhaps just another layer of experience in preparation for my ultimate destiny: the convent!

Maybe that explains why people can't drive here. They're too relaxed. They can't pay attention long enough to stay on their own side of the road. Maybe they're multi tasking. Maybe they're actually bird watching and driving. Maybe they're not using their blackberry, they're looking for blackberries.

Now, don't get me wrong. I like quiet. I think but I could be wrong that it is actually a necessary component of relaxation or trying to get into that state. It helps you focus. It's actually much easier here to figure out that you're wasting time frittering away the day or, perhaps, your entire life.

In the city, you can just fill up your life with stuff that has nothing to do with your life purpose. Here, the fact that you don't have a life purpose becomes even more magnified. Because you can't go to the mall and shop it away. You really feel like things get stripped away so that you're really faced with yourself in a way that's more direct than being in the city allows for. Good thing I like myself because if I didn't I'd really begin to hate myself sooner if that makes any sense.

When I saw this sign it also reminded me that having someone tell you to relax is a surefire way to get you more uptight. Don't you just hate those people. People who are so arrogant that they actually utter the words to another human being, "Just RELAX". You just want to slap them. You want to say, No, YOU RELAX, just shut up and RELAX yourself! I'll relax when I damn well feel like it!

And all that just from a sign. I might just have too much time on my hands.