" SpiritofSaltSpring:BC:Canada:GulfIslands:SaltSpring:Salt Spring:

June 02, 2009

The Blue Factor

I've never kept a journal consistently but I have, usually when things are not going so well, or when I feel that I need to be a little more enlightened as to how lucky I am, I write stuff down.

Sometimes I do the whole gratitude thing and that really does have an almost instantaneous effect on shifting my vision towards the positive.

I'll write things down because I'm thinking perhaps if I write it down the confusion I have around something will be more clear in print and at the time it usually never is. But, going back months and years later, its message is often a neon sign.

The best thing about writing things down in a designated space (preferably a journal, not a telephone pole) is that it's a constant reminder that life is change and that can take away fear related to change and lead to active changes being made.

Last year about this time, I was living on Robson Street and after six months, I could not seem to find work. It didn't make any sense. I have the experience in Communications. I have excellent references, etc. etc. The thing is, every time I thought about doing communications, I had this sinking feeling. Been there. Done That. And, I was becoming very depressed after not being depressed for quite a few years in what has been a re-occurring, most challenging theme in my life as a result of a mood disorder that mainly gets expressed as depression.

I had a great group of friends. I loved living on Robson Street a mere block from Stanley Park. But, inside, there was this niggling, sinking, murmur, as if I'd forgotten something. It was constantly there but I couldn't figure out what it was. It was like an urging to do - something - but I didn't know what it was. I did know, even voiced it out loud, that whatever it was required more than just "getting a job" to get rid of it.

Call it mid-life crisis, call it what happens when change is necessary, call it your soul's expression tickling you from the inside out, but it's a reminder that when that inner compass is pointing North and you insist on persisting in the same direction that you've been going, it's the jumping off point and you need to take it to SWIM.

It's like doing a canon ball in the middle of some fancy pool party.

I thought about that this morning for some reason. I thought about how much has changed in the past year and how so many of the unvoiced desires that were muddled in my head last June have somehow come into being now because they were there and so was the intent to unearth them.

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